I have put this blog post off, for over a week. If something is difficult or unpleasant I ignore it, it is a bad habit I am trying to break. The hard news is my voice is as good as it gets, it will not improve much from this point. I need to stay quiet all I can to prevent swelling, and my singing voice is gone.

I was diagnosed with Bilateral Vocal Cord Paralysis, my vocal cords are frozen in a position that leaves a very small slit between them. This is why I am always gasping, have strider (high pitch noise when I breathe), and am more out of breath when I try to talk. My lungs are slowly improving, but my throat doesn’t allow in enough air. So we are making the most of what air does get in by adding the oxygen.

I have been told to be extremely careful to not get sick, and if I do get checked out right away. I can’t be intubated again, the tubing will not fit pass my vocal cords. Something as minor as a cold could cause my throat to swell, causing my vocal cords to shut.

I will continue to lose my voice, I was told to be quiet as much as I can be to stop any irritation to the vocal cords. (JC would love that 😉). Any important treatments to open my airway will take away the vocal cords, leaving me with very little of a speaking voice.

As I have learned dealing with doctors for my Ehlers-Danlos, etc. one diagnosis or a doctor’s explanation isn’t the end-all-be-all. And even if doctors agree on the diagnosis it doesn’t mean they agree on treatments or prognosis. So this is just the beginning of this diagnosis, I am waiting on referrals to specialist right now.

I am sad, and I am working through the process of what life looks like now. So many people are doing this after this past year. I didn’t realize how much of my personality and self-identity is tied to my voice, singing, talking, teaching. It will take time to find #mynewnormal 😌 I will get through this, I am alive and God has brought me this far. I also know I need to work through all the hurt, disappointment, and sadness so I can be ready for what God has next. My new normal.

#covidfighter #mynewnormal

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